The Legend of Zelda is a classic. It was the first game that used a battery to save games on cartridge, and was thusly the first game that can actually take you several days (or weeks, or even months if you're really crappy) to beat. Along the way you met many (nameless) characters, and those characters couldn't speak proper English to save their lives.

If you stuck around after the title screen, you were treated with a story and a list of all the items in the game. The story is what I'm focusing on here: Read it to experience one of the worst slaughterings of the English language in recorded history.

At the end of the item list was this image, seen above. Maybe I'm being picky, but "Please look up the manual for details" doesn't seem to make sense...

You see a LOT of this in the game: Old men who just can't form sentences correctly. They tend to hide in caves and dungeons, which I believe is a result of having been exiled from society for their poor communication skills.

Turns out "Secret" is just the name of this guy's cat. Shouldn't you be asking the fire department to retrieve your kitten from a tree, rather than a short elf dude?

Who doesn't?

I don't understand this one at all. This old guy expects me to master something he refuses to give me until I've mastered it. That seems a little unfair...

Liar. I never win money playing this game. And I know it's not because I'm crappy at it or anything because it's a random freakin' game. I think by "money making game" he's talking about his end of the bargain, not mine. On another note, I believe that Hyrule is a primarily incestual community. That'd explain why all the old men look alike. The similarities between Hyrule and Arkansas - incest, wooded areas, highly unintellegent creatures - is so much that it'd be low class of me to make a joke about it. Except I guess I just did. Funny how those things work out...

Old men aren't the only ones who speak Engrish in Hyrule - Old women get into the act, too. Anyway, it turns out the "medicine" is nothing more than cheap wine. Still, gets the job done.

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